In this article we're going to go over celebrating your 100th
birthday, taking a slightly humorous stance.
Let's face it, not many people live to be a hundred years old,
especially not in the United States where people are bombarded
by terrible air pollution, second hand smoke, asbestos, crime
and the relentless assault of Brady Bunch reruns. It's amazing
anyone lives beyond fifty.
But for the very lucky few who get to be a hundred, it is only
fitting that a special celebration should take place. Of course
there are a few things you need to be careful about when
planning a hundredth birthday for someone.
For starters, you have to be very careful when sending an
invitation to this person. You don't want a card that when
opened blasts out "The Battle Hymn Of The Republic." The last
thing you want is your birthday boy or girl to keel over before
the big event.
Also, when planning the party you want to make sure you have it
at a place that doesn't have any stairs. If you're planning a 5
PM dinner you're going to have to get your guest of honor to the
hall by noon just to make sure they get into the building. So
please, no stairs. Either that, or plan to bring a U-Haul along
to cart your guest of honor into the dining hall.
That brings us to the dinner itself. It is doubtful that the
birthday person is going to have his or her own teeth. So
dinners that are composed of corn on the cob and a pack of jaw
breakers would really not be in very good taste. Plan to have an
extra helping of strained peas or carrots. A bib wouldn't hurt
either. Hey, to make things simple, just pretend it's a birthday
for your 2 year old.
Then there is the issue of music. Let's be sensible here. You're
not going to get your guest of honor to get up and boogie to the
Hustle or the Electric Slide. To be safe, just bring along some
Perry Como records and an accordion player. Your birthday person
will feel right at home. If you want something a little up-tempo
you could try throwing in a few Frank Sinatra records. Of course
if you really want this person to feel at home a few Rudi Valley
recordings will do the trick.
As for dessert, you have to have a cake. And it has to be a
special cake. After all, it's 100 years on this planet. So
really make it fancy. However, you really should ease up on the
candles. Forgetting about how big a cake you would need to fit
100 candles, you don't want your guest of honor to have to blow
them all out. As a matter of fact, you can forget the candles
altogether. One will be enough to bring on a cardiac arrest.
Finally, you want to make sure your guest of honor gets home in
one piece and has a good time. They may not be asleep for the
whole party but just the fact that they're still alive is
something to be amazed at.
About the author:
Michael Russell
Your Independent guide to
Birthdays
